theStartToANewBeginning???...

to feel so upset and down the last week...and to slowly realise that in fact you are doing ok...is a big relief...to hear from somebody that you've wanting to hear from is always a great feeling...you play those games at first where you try and be the tough one and not reply emails and things...but then in actuality you want to give in and send that email...it is always a hard thing to do...have self control...it's actually funny that i am possessing some self control as i'm usually the first to give in...and become that annoying girl that won't leave you alone...hehe...i believe that i have grown up since my early relationship days...and learnt to take things as it comes...and to take things slower...i never gained anything from always pushing too hard...and i often saw the things that i wanted most walk the other way...wisdom comes with age and experience...and i believe i have both of them...believe me i'm getting older...but actually looking forward to it...it is the start to a new beginning...the start of a better me???...but when will the improvements stop???...i think you will always be learning new things about yourself...and always improving on things that will make you a better person...it has taken me 10 years of relationships to realise what love is...what it takes...love should never be hard...it should never be hard to keep...sure there are times when things can get rough...but it should never be hard...i've found a relationship where it was so easy to be myself...so easy to just be in the presence with someone and smile...to talk about rubbish...talking was never difficult...talking to someone you are with should never be difficult...you should never be out of words to say...or struggle to keep a conversation...believe me my relationship with my ex was always a struggle...until it got to a point where...i would stress out...see...it should never be like that...I love talking to Mr Stacky...he makes me smile and makes me laugh...if anything that's what i like about him...I was so happy today cause he emailed me...HE emailed me...yes...isn't wasn't me...and he even replied later...a super long one...hehe...he knew i was a bit sad still...he tried to cheer me up...he made me laugh and smile today...cause he had a shaving accident...and he looks bald...hehe...but that's what i miss most about him...how he maked me laugh...i spotted his white patch on the way home today...i had to decide if i was going to run after him...i decided to just do it...i poked him in the side...and he knew it was me...cause he was already grinning when he turned around...it was good to see him after last week...that meeting was so sad...i have been afraid that when i next saw him...things would be different between us and awkward...but it wasn't...and it was such a great relief...i feel happy...i couldn't stop smiling and talking...nothing felt different...i was afraid our relationship would sour...but still the wait...still the see what happens...still the time...i only hope the time comes sooner than never...no kiss goodbye though...only a hi-5...