theDreadedAnswer

Ok...so...it was good and not good at the same time...how do you be with someone when the situation is not right and perfect???...i wish the circumstances for what is happening was different...but at the same time it's good to know that it's not you...but something else...i've been through heaps of shit in the past...it's good to know that someone feels the same way about you...it's the many trials and tribulations that i am constantly subjected to...i'm always being tested...i have a little inkling that everything will sort itself out...though sometimes i get too optimistic and disappoint myself...however i still can't help but feel for the worst...what happened tonight was what i had expected...it is a good thing in a way...and couldn't come at a better time...but at the same time i wish that it doesn't have to stop...even if it's not as intense...i always can't help but feel that i'm such an unfortunate soul...when something good comes along...it goes away just as fast...this person is someone that i feel a strong connection to...and in such a short time it felt right...which was both comforting...but at the same...i knew that what has just happened was inevitable and something that has to happen first...i guess i still have my own shit to take care of...and i think it's only just that this is happening as you can't start another chapter before you finish the one that you are in...whether or not the next chapter of this persons life is going to include you in it...is another thing...but all you can do is only hope that you make an appearance...and stay till the end of the book...

watsItGoingToBe???

Ok... so what's it going to be???... got contacted today...which is fantastic...however now comes the dreaded...is it going to be good??? or is it going to be bad???...i hate the wait and anticipation of the unknown...there is a certain amount of intuition that you can rely on...however you never know what is going to happen...do you...i can only hope for something good...don't we all???

personalDilemmas

GOING through some stuff at the moment... been seeing someone for 4 months... i don't refer to him as my boyfriend... the situation is a bit complicated... i refer to him as "The guy i'm seeing"... he's going through some personal issues of his own... this guy is great though... i really like him a lot... this is the kinda guy i've been waiting for... if circumstances weren't as they are at the moment... the trials and tribulations of my life has prepared me for this moment in time... i'm not the same person i used to be... i'm not the same person i used to be in my relationships... i believe that i have grown stronger with more willpower and a voice of my own... it still doesn't prepare you for the sudden shocks and pangs of hurt that comes hurtling towards you... which i had to feel in the last week... though... it's all inevitable... and also at the same time kinda a good thing that's happening... as things will become settled... what will come out of it... i don't know... but i do hope that my time with him has not come to an end... it's hard to be there for someone... when at the same time you can't... need some space to sort things out... i can't do the whole space thing... it drives me nuts... too much time for thoughts makes me think too much... i need to get out and be with friends to take my mind off these thoughts... i have to say i'm coping quite well...i think...good to have a good pair of girly friends to keep me company... i can't wait though to see him... i'm beginning to miss him quite a bit... he makes me happy... he makes me laugh... i enjoy our conversations... i like it how he huggles me when we jump into bed at night to keep warm before falling asleep... i like it how he puts his arms around me when i fall asleep on his lap... i miss him...

poshRestaurantsAreJustNotMyCupOfCoffee...

WENT to a fancy restaurant tonight... it was my friends birthday... Galileo Restaurant in Obsevatory Hotel... nice quaint place... quite Victorian in style... i think it was a Japanese-French Fusion restaurant... at $120 a head it had to be quite swank... well lucky for us it was the restaurants 10th year anniversary... so it was $65 a head... the food was nice... though was terrified at the thought of still being hungry... portion wise... i could have seriously popped it all in my mouth... but thought... hey... i'll be dainty and slowly cut away at it... maybe it'll make you full faster... i had a great time though... the conversations are always great... and my friend Nigel is always entertaining... he's wonderful... i decided that for my birthday... instead of going to a fancy restaurant... i'm going to the pub... i can do the fancy restaurants once in a while and dress up and look nice... i think i feel outta my skin when in places like that... and i feel like i can't be rowdy or laugh loud... or be myself... i started off quiet and lady-like... but towards the end of the night... i was laughing like a hyena... but it was a great night... and i have to say the food was nice though... i was a bit apprehensive at first, as i'm very fussy... the only thing that i had to pick off was the shaved parmesan... so it was a good effort... i actually tried Sticky Date pudding... hahaha... it was alright.... hahaha